The Power of Habit
One of the things that I am really focusing on this year is reading over 30 books so that I can continue to grow as a leader, a husband, a father, and as a follower of Jesus. One of those books that I have been able to read this year is “The Power of Habit: Why we do what we do in life and in business.” The main theme throughout of this book is seeing how you can learn to develop new habits in your life and business by knowing the cue that leads to a routine that leads you to a reward. This is called the “The Habit Loop” and the reason that we develop the habit loop is that our brains are always trying to find ways that will save time and energy. Here is a quote from the book, “Habits, scientists say emerge because the brain is constantly looking for ways to save effort. Left to its own devices, the brain will try to make almost any routine into a habit, because habits allow our minds to ramp down more often.”
So for me, I have taken to getting up early and working out first thing in the morning. This is definitely something that I have to use the habit loop for because I HATE mornings, I have always been the late night person. I also am making sure that working out is a focus so that I can stay healthy for my wife and my family. What are some areas that you could use the habit loop to grow in your life this year?
Learning what makes and motivates us to develop habits in our lives.
Fathering for Future
Fathering for the future
I was not ready to be a father. (Not like anyone really is. . .) So when we had a daughter then a son and another daughter I knew that I was in the deep end of the pool. So I started doing all that I could to learn about what it meant to be the best father that I possibly could be. I read books, I watched videos, I talked with other fathers with grown children and usually I would ask, “Do you have any children that are in prison?” If they answered no then I would spend time asking them questions about how and what they did as a father. Ultimately it lead me to the parenting statement that my wife and I would use as our goal for our kids, “We wanted them to leave well.” That would mean that when we were going to make decisions about different areas of life. We would ask ourselves, “Is this going to prepare them to leave well?” Now I know some of you might be thinking that this sounds like a horrible statement. Where is the love in this statement? Where is the faith in this statement? Where is . . . you name it! For us we felt like that there was nothing more faithful or loving then to prepare our children to leave the safety of the home well. We made tough decisions that we hoped and prayed that would prepare them. We challenged them in areas that we hoped and prayed would prepare them. We disciplined them in ways that we hoped and prayed that would prepare them. But most of all we loved and cared for them enough to prepare them to leave well. So what are you doing as a father or as a parent that is preparing your children to leave well?
And just so that you know that I am not talking out of turn. I am proud to say that our oldest is graduating from college this May with a degree in elementary education and seeking to attend possibly for her masters, our son is playing college football where he walked on and earned a scholarship and is pursuing a degree in exercise science, and our youngest plans to run cross country and track at the same college as her older sister and brother where she plans to get a degree in exercise science with an emphasis in physical therapy. (There were bumps along the way, but we are seeing them leave well.)
Feed The Leader
I know that in many places that leadership and leadership development can be an area of conflict. I know that especially when it comes to the church people can really get touchy about it. But over the last 4 years as we have been starting a church I have learned that if you don’t feed the leader then things go bad quickly. Especially when you are the one that everyone expects to be the leader. So I am really challenging myself to be a leader that is focused on feeding myself when it comes to becoming a better leader.
“Everyone wins when a leader gets better.” Bill Hybels
I want to be a leader that is getting better so that people around me are getting better. So there are some things that I am doing intentionally to get better:
- Reading the Bible from the perspective of how will this make me better as a husband, father, and leader.
- Listening to leaders from different areas of leadership. Business, art, marketing so that I can start to think as a leader differently.
- Reading books that influence my ability to grow others around me. I recently read the book “Protégé” by Steve Saccone and it rocked my world.
- Meeting with leaders that are better than me and that are steps ahead of me when it comes to being a better husband, father, and church leader.
What I want to remind you is that “Everyone is a leader somewhere”. So what are you doing to feed yourself to be a better leader? Because everyone wins when a leader gets better!
The book about developing leaders around you.
Do you need encouragement?
Ever have one of those days where you just wish some one would acknowledge that you are doing a good job at whatever it is your doing that day? I mean maybe if you are a stay at home mom, that your husband or kids would just tell you that you are doing awesome and that they love their home. Wouldn’t that be nice? I mean how about husbands that work away from home and are gone for a couple of days, that when you get home you hear from your wife and kids that they missed you and want to be with you. Instead, you get the list of broken things in the home and dad you promised to take me to the store. Don’t you want to be encouraged? How about for those high school and middle school students that are taking on the world in school. That when you get home you hear that you were missed and that is there anything that your parents could do for you while you do the 12 million hours of home work. But instead you hear about the chores that aren’t done or about how you missed one thing on the project and it wasn’t the grade that your parents had hoped for in that class. Don’t you want more encouragement?
I recently was sitting and working away and was kind of having one of those days, where I just wanted to hear I was doing a good job. That things were going well and that even though my emotions were getting the better of me, that God is the one in charge I am not, and today was better than I thought. When I looked up at the huge wipe board in my office and saw this:
Morgan making her dad's day!
There she left me a little note just telling me she loved me. What a great reminder and an encouragement to me. It made the rest of my day just hinking about how my “favorite youngest daughter” loved me. Maybe that is what you need to hear too? Maybe you need to know that from not just the people around you but from God himself. You see God being the great dad that He is even knew that was important. Look at what he said to His son:
Matthew 3:17 (NLT) “And a voice from heaven said, “This is my dearly loved son, who brings me great joy.”
Guess what you are His kid and you too bring Him joy. So even if you can’t see it on the wipe board in your office know that God loves you and He wants you to lean into Him and hear I Love you, your doing a good job.
Hope that you are encouraged! Maybe this is something you need to share with someone else? Go encourage someone, maybe on their wipe board.
Leading The Hard Way
Morgan running up to me after finishing the race.
One of the things that I have always had to work at overcoming is that “I can’t finish”. I don’t know about you but there are those certain places in my life that have challenged me to the point where I just feel weak and beat up. I have had the privilege in my life to be involved in sports since I was six years old and I have experienced many times where I just wanted to quit. It was almost four years ago that I was able to run in the PF Chang’s Half Marathon. During that race at about mile eleven I just did not want to go on, my legs hurt, my chest hurt, my feet hurt, and all I wanted to do was stop. But I knew that at the finish line was my family and friends, I knew that at the end of the line I was going to be able to rest.
Hebrews 12:12-13 (NLT) So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. [13] Mark out a straight path for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong.
Cancer the Best thing
Over the weekend at Newspring Church in Anderson, South Carolina they shared a video about a man, a family, and cancer. As I watched this video I was extremely moved. Check it out and then read some more afterward . . .
I want to thank Zac Smith for sharing his story with us and the rest of the world. As I watched this I was deeply moved as a husband and a father but most of all as a follower of Jesus. There are so many times that I am so concerned with what is going on in my life that I allow it to take away the heavenly perspective that I am supposed to have. Whether it is money, parenting, marriage or starting a church I can allow myself to lost the real focus of my life, to honor God with all that I am. To hear a man say “Cancer is the best thing that has happened to me” truly challenges my faith and my own personal focus. Would I be able to respond the way that Zac has?
Today I ask you to first pray for a healing Zac’s body. Then I ask you to pray that you and I both will have a focus like Zac.
Music Monday
Michelle and I love to listen to Diana Krall when the kids are in bed and we are able to relax and enjoy our time. This is has been one of those areas that we truly knew was important for us to keep for us to be able to be the husband and wife we needed to be. I also believe that it is because we were able to make sure that we had this time that we were able to be better parents. We had time for us to be unified in heart and mind when it came to life and the kids. This may not be your kind of music but I encourage you to find whatever music you and your spouse enjoy turn the music on and then just spend time with the two of you. No matter how many kids you have no matter what ages they are, you need your time together. Because if you don’t have your time together now when your kids are grown up and gone you will have tons of time together and you may not know who you are spending time with.
What kind of music do you and your spouse enjoy listening to while you relax? If you can’t answer that question then you need to find out.
Merry Christmas Eve
Today we are going to be on the road traveling from Arizona to Colorado. The last stretch of travel that we will make as we move there to start a new church. What I want to say is “Merry Christmas” to the new, old, and not yet met people that will make up Elevation Christian Church. It is truly to be one of the greatest gifts that Jesus has ever given to us as a family, the gift of stepping out on faith. May we all experience it in this coming year.
To Michelle, Danielle, Tyler, and Morgan,
As a Husband and a Father a could not be more blessed with a better family. You are each the greatest gifts that Jesus has given to me on loan. We are going to rock out Colorado.
Guys what life are you giving up?
Ephes. 5:25 (NLT) And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her
You see Jesus gave up His life so that we might have life. So that we might have a life that is great. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t take some work and some sacrifice. So really guys what life are you really giving up? Or are you gaining? The choice is up to you!
Be the Husband that loves His wife
In my office I have several pictures on my wall of my family. There are the pictures of the kids doing different things like football and volleyball. There are the way out of date family pictures where they are all shorter then me. (Not so now.) But there in the center of all of those pictures is the one that you can see below. It is two pictures of my wife in a frame done by some very special friends in Miles City, MT at “Unique Creations”.
A reminder to me of the importance of being a husband.
In between the pictures you can see some typed up lines. Those lines are some verse from the bible that I think are important for me to remember when it comes to being a husband. They are the following:
Proverbs 5:18-19 (Msg) Bless your fresh-flowing fountain! Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! [19] Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!
I can imagine some of you asking the question, “Why are these verse important to being a husband?” That is a great question and I am glad that you asked it. It is important for me to remember as a husband because a husband needs to remember that his wife is a fountain of love in his life. That just like a fountain that we see in a mall that if not taken care of can become unpleasant. If the fountain is not always being refreshed it eventually can become stale.
That I am always to enjoy the wife of my youth. That whether we are twenty five or seventy five she is the standard of beauty in my life. That everyone and everything can not compare to her beauty. That as we grow old together she will always be the wife that I fought for, the wife that I wrote poems for, that wife that I chased after, and that should always be the way that I treat her. As the young husband that worked so very hard at making sure that she knew she was the only one for me.
That I am always to be sexually active with my wife. Now I am sure that some of you are thinking well that is not something you have to work at you are a male. Your right, but there are things of this world that are very busy trying to get me to not focus on my wife whom I love. The things out there are pornography, strip clubs, jobs, sports, and even friends. These are things that can if I let them, keep me from making sure that I am loving my wife emotionally and physically. I believe that for some reason men have bought into the idea that when it comes to sex that their needs are the ones that are the most important. Unfortunately if you are a husband and that is the way that you think then at least one person is enjoying the whole minute of pleasure. I am just saying. Maybe if we took the time to make sure our wives were pleased or wives would take the time to make sure we were. I am to take delight in her and only her.
Then finally I am to “Not take her love for granted.” As a husband I am to always be seeking to make sure that she knows that she is loved. Not that she feels that she is loved because feelings can change with the weather. But that through my words, my actions, and my life that she and those around her know that she is loved. That is why these verses are important to me as a husband. I heard this statement a long time ago, “Maybe if there was more courting in marriage there would be less marriages in court.” Guys it is time to be step up and be the husband that your wife needs and desires. So why not ask her today if she knows that she is loved. Maybe, if you have the guts ask her friends if they know she is loved because if she is not then they will surely know. Take the time to work more on your marriage and the relationship with your wife then you do your fantasy football league.
Focus – Focus – Focus
I believe that as a husband, father, and ministry leader that there lots of things that can steal my focus that can cause my heart to wander from what is most important. I have always loved the book of Proverbs but for the different situations that I have encountered in the last couple of days it has really talked me about the ability to focus.
Proverbs 4: 23 – 27 (Message) ” Keep vigilant watch over your heart that’s where life starts. Don’t talk out of both sides of your mouth, avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. Keep your eyes straight ahead, ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left, leave evil in the dust.”
This Sunday a situation came about where I was seriously distracted by some thing that should have never been an issue. In fact if it would have been handled correctly I should have never even been aware of it. But it was amazing to me how one little thing can really take my focus off of what is most important. It started to the more that I thought about it, but I had to make a choice. I could have allowed it to really get under of my skin but I really decided that Satan was not going to take my eye off of what was important. You see I had been teaching in the main auditorium and we had already through the services seen 11 people put their faith in Christ and they stood up in the service to share that with those around them. We saw a man stand up that had been coming to church for years but had never fully trusted in Christ. I really knew that this was a situation during the afternoon that Satan was trying to use to take my focus off of following Christ and the gospel being presented that evening.
So I showed up to the evening service and really tried to stay away from people, tried to make sure that there was not another opportunity for me to get distracted. By the end of the service we were able to watch 6 more people make a choice that lead from hell to heaven. What if I would have allowed petty talk and comments to take away my focus. I would have missed out on being a part of the most amazing thing in the world. An individual stepping into an eternal relationship with Jesus Christ.
I pray that no matter the situation that I will not lose FOCUS on what God has called me to do in my life.
What types of things have you seen steal your focus away from Gods purpose in your life?
Sex and the Married Man!
With our church going through a series called “Man vs. Wild” I have felt that there are some areas of life that a lot of churches tend to shy away from when it comes to being a man of God. So with that I have been taking some time to really evaluate the area of sex and how we present sex to the Christian man.
When it comes to the single man we are always saying wait until you are married. Which is the biblical standard that with out the biblical union of marriage sex is something that is not complete, is not perfect, and not fulfilling the way God intended it to be. It also is not great. Sex between a husband and a wife is to be great, awesome, incredible, fantastic, what ever word you want to describe it. At least that is the way that I feel. (My wife is embarrassed now) This is the way that we present it to the Christian man. There is only one problem though, they are now building something up in their head that if it does not deliever to his expectations then there is something wrong and they see this as a problem. In the book “No More Christian Nice Guy” by Paul Coughlin he makes this statement; “Then at last he marries and crosses the finish line, yet instead of fabulous banquets, he gets frozen dinners for years to come. Such men will tell you they feel robbed, resentful, victims of false advertising.”
So what are some things that we can do as churches, families, parents, and leaders to change this thought for young men that feel like they are being robbed? Take some time and think about your own experience of entering into marriage and the sexual relationship, what were the things that you thought and were they a proper perspective? I think that this is an area where we need to talk not just to men about but also women, if we are to enable marriages to survive and thrive.
What are your thoughts?
My Wife . . .
My heart is not my own
Because of the love that Christ
Placed in my heart through . . . my wife.
No matter what challenges or strife
May come our way in this life
I know that I have a best friend in . . . my wife
Doors may open and doors may close
But as we walk each time through those
I am content with the hand that I hold . . . my wife
As the world spins and we handle loses and wins
She has become a part of me within . . . my wife
We have traveled far and wide
And always at my side is . . . my wife
There are children in the house now
Although there will come a day
When they have all moved away
We will walk through that life stage
To a brand new page as husband and . . . my wife
I pray that we will then visit
Friends, family, and grand kids galore
Going from place to place
All the while gazing at the face of . . . my wife
And as my hair continues to fade and hers turns to gray
I am thankful for previous and future days
With the beautiful lady that God gave and I call . . .
My Wife
Proverbs 18:22 (NLT) The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the Lord.
Just celebrating Thanksgiving with the thoughts about my wife.
"Psycho for Jesus" Scott Bloyer 