Living the crazy life that God has given me!

Posts tagged “daughters

Dad to Daughters

kidsI was never prepared to be a dad let alone a dad of two daughters.  I mean I was a boy so when we had our son I kind of had that one figured out.  But daughters really, two of them, I was really deep in the weeds.  So I wanted to be able to share with you some of the things that I have learned being the dad of two daughters that have grown up to be amazing women. So here you go:

  • Listen to your wife!  I had to listen to my wife a lot because I am the oldest of four and my sister was ten years younger then me.  So I was clueless to a lot of areas when it came to what girls didn’t need or did need from a dad.
  • Hug them always.  One of the things that I always have done is hug my girls.  I hugged my girls even when they didn’t want me too.  Yep I went against the first one but that was only because I wanted my girls to know that I was going to love them and care for them whether they wanted me to or not.
  • Be Honest with them.  Now if you are a dad to a girl then you know the dreaded questions that start like this, “Dad what do you think about . . . ” insert hair, dress, make up, and a long list of others.  Unfortunately when we first started with these questions I was to honest and I did not set up my answer.  So I had a lot of looks from my wife and coaching with, “You don’t say that to a girl”.  To which I would answer, “Well then why did she ask me?”  So I would preface my answer by saying, “Do you want me to be honest?”  Now I said that when I didn’t like what I saw and I have said that when I did like what I saw. (Be consistent)
  • Set the Tone.  If you want your daughter to have a man that is going to love and care for her, then you need to set the tone.  So that is where you as the dad need to model exactly the kind of man that you want your daughters to look for in their life.  In fact I think that you should set the bar so high that your girls will go out on dates with the young men in their life and expect them to act like you.  And when the young men don’t act like you make sure you teach those same girls to not except it. So if you haven’t got what I am saying, then here you go.  Love your wife the way that you want your daughters to be loved.
  •  Prepare them for Life.  I know that you are probably thinking, well that is a big statement and you are right it is.  But I believe that it is something that is very important. So prepare them to handle their finances, prepare them to take care of their car, prepare them to defend themselves if needed, prepare them to speak up, prepare them to trust, and prepare them to leave home well.  I don’t expect my daughters to have to have a man to take care of them, I know that they can do it.  But I also want to prepare them for a life with another, so prepare them to talk with a man, prepare them to love someone, prepare them to sacrifice for someone, you see prepare them for life.

There are just a few of the things that I would say are important when it comes to being a dad to daughters.  But here is the last one and the most important prepare them to say, “I am sorry.”  How do you do this? Learn to say it yourself.  If there are some others that you can think of then feel free to comment and share them.

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Fathering a Teenage Daughter

I have three children two daughters and a son.  I had the privilege to grow up in a house that had four children three boys and one girl.  She was the youngest and I was the oldest of the family we are ten years a part.  I never was around for the teenage years of my sister when she was growing up so I never experienced walking through life with a teenage girl.  Well now we have two in the house and I am learning everyday from them and theie mother about walking through life with a teenage daughter.  While they were growing up I have always read books from men that have had daughters.  I have read books about parenting and at times especially parenting daughters.  Why?  Because I was afraid.  I did not want to be a total screw up when it came to being the father my daughters needed.  So as a dad of daughters I want to share a couple of things I have learned.  I want to start with this scripture so that you know what I am sharing comes from a biblical presence:

Col. 3:21 (NLT) Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.

As I have studied this biblical passage I know that so many times we take it as what we are to do when it comes to disciplining our kids.  Or you will even hear some people that say that it means not to tease your kids, I don’t get that one.  But as I have walked through the last 16 years with daughters here are some things that I would encourage dad to do when it comes to not “aggravating your children”.

Dads don’t withhold your love and affection to your daughters mother.  How can this aggravate your daughter?  It is aggravating because she will not know what a healthy relationship will look like.  She will then become aggravated by trying to figure out if and when she gets married if she is to be like her parents or like the people in relationships that she sees on t.v.

Dads don’t with hold your love and affection to your daughter.  How can this aggravate your daughter? It then makes her want to get that love and affection some where else.  I can then pretty much guarantee that is the love and affection you don’t want her to be getting from some hairy legged teenage boy that thinks being a man is what he does between the sheets with a girl.  No matter what age your daughter is you need to kiss and hug her.  No matter how she has developed she needs to snuggle with her dad on the couch while watching a movie.  No matter how much you may get frustrated with her because you just don’t understand how she can change moods like you change channels, give her a hug before she goes to bed.

Dads don’t with hold your words about how beautiful she is. How can this aggravate your daughter?  She will then look for her beauty identity from other places.  She will compare herself to the magazines, which she will do anyway.  She will compare herself to the girls at school who have made a choice to where clothes that have less fabric then a band aid, which she will do anyway.  You may right now asking your self well if she is going to do all of this any way then what is the use?  The reason you need to do it is because you love your daughter and a daddy speak into this part of his daughters life like no other.

I am sure that if you were to ask most women today they would have never complain that there dad loved their mom to much, that there dad loved them with appropriate God ordained love to much, and that there dad told them they were beautiful to much.  I am here to say DADS don’t aggravate your daughters If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.

Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit tryingCol. 3:21 (NLT)
Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.