Dealing with Insecurity
Over the last couple of years as we have walked through planting a church in Aurora, CO. I have had to deal with many areas of growth. Developing leaders, doing long range planning, and knowing what to do when to do it. (Still working on that one.) But most of all I have had to deal with my insecurity.
I had a person that I have in my life that is able to speak into those areas of my life and a couple of weeks ago he just said, “Scott you are a very insecure person.” At first it really kind of ticked me off. But the more I have thought about it the more it has really been a freeing moment for me. I am insecure.
I am insecure about:
- my marriage
- my parenting
- my ability
- my leadership
- my . . . .
But the one thing that I gain strength from as the insecure person is my true security coming from my identity in Jesus. I am a follower of the risen Savior Jesus. I am a jacked up, insecure person, that only can live life because of the radical grace of Jesus Christ.
John 1:12 12 But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God.
Sounds simple doesn’t it. Well it is! Every day since that conversation I have woke up with the this statement. “I am a child of the risen and conquering Savior, my life only comes from Him. I am secure because of what he has done, not me!” Take some time to say this statement each day and see what it does for you.
Hi, my name is Scott Bloyer and I am secure with being insecure. Who is with me?
Father Christmas for Fatherless
As we get ready for Christmas this week I have been spending a lot of time thinking of being a father. Some of the greatest memories I have had as a father has been watching my kids on Christmas day. They each have allowed me to see some amazing moments of pure joy as well as great excitement for the time of the year. We have special traditions that my wife and kids have come to almost be so excited about that when we expereince them they are ready for next year.
But what I have been walking through is that over 1/3 of children today are living in fatherless homes. Now I want to say something that I think is very important. If you are a single mom, I want you to know that you have the toughest job in the world. You have to fulfill two very distinct roles in the lives of your kids. I pray every week for the single mothers that I know attend Elevation. But I do believe that we need to let those kids know that there is a father for the fatherless and he came on Christmas to be the everlasting Father.
Psalm 27:10 (NLT) 10 Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.
I pray that through out this Christmas season that each and everyone of us takes the time to think of those that are walking through this season with out knowing the one true Father, Jesus Christ.
How can you this week love on the fatherless?
Occupy – The Home
I have been watching and have been curious about the OCCUPY movement and all that they are doing. I think that no matter what your political persuasion is that their intent is good when it comes to those that are losing homes during this season of life. So I am thinking about starting my own OCCUPY movement. It is the OCCUPY your home movement and it is for fathers.
Facts compiled by the Department of Justice
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
90% of all homeless and runaway youths are from fatherless homes.
85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders are from fatherless homes.
71% of high school dropouts are from fatherless homes.
70% of youths in State institutions are from fatherless homes.
75% of adolescent patients in substance abuse centers are from fatherless homes.
85% of rapists motivated by displaced anger are from fatherless homes
I am encouraging and praying that we can rally fathers to OCCUPY their homes. To see that the need to be at work or even at play all the time is damaging our country more then the housing crisis. I believe many men have not had the benefit of a father themselves so they are just continuing to follow in their own fathers foot steps and some where along the line things need to change. We need a group of men that are discontent with the way that things are going with families today and they need to lead by OCCUPYING their homes. By lovingly leading their wives and children, by spiritually setting the bar for their families, and by showing their community what a difference a father can make when he OCCUPIES his home.
1 Samuel 22:2, 2 Then others began coming—men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented—until David was the captain of about 400 men.
These are the same men that would be later referred to as David’s mighty men. I pray today that we will have fathers that are just discontent with the way things are going and that they choose to OCCUPY their homes.
Off to College: A Dad’s Perspective
Enjoyed the summer with Danielle.
Today Michelle and I are driving our oldest Danielle to her first year of college. She will be attending the University of Nothern Colorado looking to get a degree in Elementary Education. She also will be moving away from home and her family for the first time. It is one of those moments as a parent that you realize that all the times that other parents said, “Life moves way fast.” Were totally right. But I have to be honest as Danielle’s dad I am so excited and so proud of who she is and how she has become such and awesome woman of faith. I know that at some moment today I am going to look at her and remember the times that we played on the swing set in Montana. The day that she laid in bed with her Mom and said “Yes” to Jesus. That I will remember the little girl that liked to play dress up. That I will see the little soccer player. That I will remember the first time she went to a school dance. That I will remember the day I was proud to baptize her. That I will remember the days that she sat on my lap and cried her eyes out. That I will remember the times we shared her Christian crack addiction at Starbucks. But all of these memories will not wiegh me down. They will encourage the perspective that I already have about being a parent and the goal that I set a long time ago as Jesus laid it on my heart. That my job as a dad is that my kids “Leave Well.” Danielle is leaving well and I do not expect anything less. I am so proud and excited to see what the near future holds for her at UNC.
Danielle if you read this; I want you to know that I am one proud dad and that I am only a phone call, text, Skype, away. Oh yeah, continue to remind the guys around you that I still have the bow and they will not hear it coming. LOVE YOU.
Music Monday
Michelle and I love to listen to Diana Krall when the kids are in bed and we are able to relax and enjoy our time. This is has been one of those areas that we truly knew was important for us to keep for us to be able to be the husband and wife we needed to be. I also believe that it is because we were able to make sure that we had this time that we were able to be better parents. We had time for us to be unified in heart and mind when it came to life and the kids. This may not be your kind of music but I encourage you to find whatever music you and your spouse enjoy turn the music on and then just spend time with the two of you. No matter how many kids you have no matter what ages they are, you need your time together. Because if you don’t have your time together now when your kids are grown up and gone you will have tons of time together and you may not know who you are spending time with.
What kind of music do you and your spouse enjoy listening to while you relax? If you can’t answer that question then you need to find out.
Fathering a Teenage Daughter
I have three children two daughters and a son. I had the privilege to grow up in a house that had four children three boys and one girl. She was the youngest and I was the oldest of the family we are ten years a part. I never was around for the teenage years of my sister when she was growing up so I never experienced walking through life with a teenage girl. Well now we have two in the house and I am learning everyday from them and theie mother about walking through life with a teenage daughter. While they were growing up I have always read books from men that have had daughters. I have read books about parenting and at times especially parenting daughters. Why? Because I was afraid. I did not want to be a total screw up when it came to being the father my daughters needed. So as a dad of daughters I want to share a couple of things I have learned. I want to start with this scripture so that you know what I am sharing comes from a biblical presence:
Col. 3:21 (NLT) Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.
As I have studied this biblical passage I know that so many times we take it as what we are to do when it comes to disciplining our kids. Or you will even hear some people that say that it means not to tease your kids, I don’t get that one. But as I have walked through the last 16 years with daughters here are some things that I would encourage dad to do when it comes to not “aggravating your children”.
Dads don’t withhold your love and affection to your daughters mother. How can this aggravate your daughter? It is aggravating because she will not know what a healthy relationship will look like. She will then become aggravated by trying to figure out if and when she gets married if she is to be like her parents or like the people in relationships that she sees on t.v.
Dads don’t with hold your love and affection to your daughter. How can this aggravate your daughter? It then makes her want to get that love and affection some where else. I can then pretty much guarantee that is the love and affection you don’t want her to be getting from some hairy legged teenage boy that thinks being a man is what he does between the sheets with a girl. No matter what age your daughter is you need to kiss and hug her. No matter how she has developed she needs to snuggle with her dad on the couch while watching a movie. No matter how much you may get frustrated with her because you just don’t understand how she can change moods like you change channels, give her a hug before she goes to bed.
Dads don’t with hold your words about how beautiful she is. How can this aggravate your daughter? She will then look for her beauty identity from other places. She will compare herself to the magazines, which she will do anyway. She will compare herself to the girls at school who have made a choice to where clothes that have less fabric then a band aid, which she will do anyway. You may right now asking your self well if she is going to do all of this any way then what is the use? The reason you need to do it is because you love your daughter and a daddy speak into this part of his daughters life like no other.
I am sure that if you were to ask most women today they would have never complain that there dad loved their mom to much, that there dad loved them with appropriate God ordained love to much, and that there dad told them they were beautiful to much. I am here to say DADS don’t aggravate your daughters If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.
The Waves of Fatherhood
There are many days that I look into the faces of my children and wonder what large waves will they face? What are the areas of their life will they feel are crashing around them like the large waves on a beach?
One of those areas that I constantly pray is not when it comes to the relationship that I have with their mother. A statistic that I have heard and read over the last couple of months is that 40% of children wake up every day without their father in their home. I believe one of the things that God has called me to be in this life is a husband. Not husband that sits back and just does what he wants, or that I feel is best for me, but a husband that seeks to be the husband that my wife needs and that God wants for her.
Malachi 2:15 (NLT) “Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard yourself; remain loyal to the wife of your youth.”
The greatest wave that could possibly hit the lives of my children would be if I would not be the husband that God has called me to be to the wife that God has loaned to me for this life. It is a daily prayer of mine that men will begin to step up and be the men that their families need. That we will actually lead in our homes the way that we lead in the office, that we will take as much pride in our families as we do in our paychecks, and that our wives will be treated as amazing gifts from God and not objects that are to be used and traded in. I pray that today that men will get the guts or whatever word that you choose to lead and love their families. So that they will not feel the wave of a broken family come crashing around them.
Walking a path. . .
It is amazing to think that when it comes to life that we each have to choose a path on which we will walk. That it can be one that we walk alone or one that we can walk with others. So many people think that by choosing the road that others have walked that it is actually the better way to go. But what if the path that is chosen leads you over a cliff or into the den of a hungry lion. Would you still choose to follow the road that has been chosen by the others.
Proverbs 22:3 (NLT) “A prudent person foresees the danger ahead and takes precautions; the simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.”
We need to realize that each and everyone has the opportunity to choose which path we will walk. Last week I read the book, “Principle of the Path” by Andy Stanley. In this book he takes the verse from above and equates it to the many areas of our lives that deal with choosing a path. No matter what we do we make a choice. When we don’t make a choice that is even making a choice. It puts us on a path and every path leads to some where. Where you end up starts with a choice and the choice is which path you will take. The picture at the beginning is one my son took while we were on the beach in San Francisco. In my mind as I looked at this picture and I saw the three sets of footprints as mine, my sons, and my Father’s in Heaven. It is my prayer for my children that as they live this life that they will always be able to see the path that I hoped and prayed that they would be on. I prayed that the path would always be walking with my Father in Heaven. That as a dad I have walked with my children and allowed then to stumble and skip ahead enough to know their own path when it comes to being a follower of Jesus Christ. That as their footsteps continue on and mine do not that they will have the knowledge that the Father of us all will be with them every step of the way.
Family Game Day
We try to make sure that at least one day out of the week we do something as a family. So one day Danielle decided that she was going to put together the Bloyer Game Day. So what we ended up doing was spent the whole morning without Tv, ipods, cell phones, and computers. It was a great way to enjoy our time together and it was all put together by my 16 year old daughter. What are you doing to take time to be with your family? What are you doing to allow your children to take some moments to lead you? Are you treating your children as the gift that they truly are in your life?
Men in the Church
The last couple of weeks I have been doing some research for our “Man vs. Wild” message series for the month of March. I have taken the time to read one book and half way through the other book. The first book is called “No More Christian Nice Guy” and the second book is called “Unleashing Courageous Faith: The Hidden Power of a Man’s Soul” both written by Paul Coughlin. So far they have both challenged and encouraged me as a Godly man, husband, and father. I say that because for most of my adult life I always felt that there was something wrong with who I was a Christian man. (Now for those that know me yes you knew that there was something wrong with me, beat my family to the punch) I like to bungee jump, skydive, ride a motorcycle, I love UFC and MMA, I go nuts over hard hits in football. These are the things that I like and I never knew if that was what I was allowed to like being a Christian man. I would always hear the comments “Well isn’t that too violent?” or “Don’t you think that is setting a bad example for your son?” Well, what I have really thought about those comments was “I Don’t Care what you think!”
Now that I have read these two books I have to say that I feel even more called to be the man that God has created me to be, you want to know why? Because I was not called to be a “Nice Guy”, I have been called to be a “Godly Man” and being Godly does not always mean that I am nice. I want you to also know that I hope that no one ever calls me nice again. (pg. 181 “No More Christian Nice Guy”: The word nice comes from two very old and unflattering words, one is French and one Latin. They both mean “ignorance, an absence of knowledge or awareness.) My goal is to be Godly and being Godly is not nice and sometimes it means that I need to get into a fight. I need to fight for the love of my wife, I need to fight for the needs and care of my kids, and I need to fight against anything that goes against what God wants for my life. What I really think is that if more men knew that being a Godly men was about getting into a fight they might be more apt to want to follow the Jesus that went all the way to the cross fighting for our freedom, he fought so hard that it meant His death. That is the Jesus that I follow, not the feathered haired, pasty white, never smiling Jesus, that was always serious, and would get knocked down by a sixth grade girl. (I have the 6th grade daughter that could do that by the way.)
If you were to go to church and hear about a Jesus that was a real man, what difference would that make to you?
What do you do when they want to climb?
I was thinking today about when Tyler was a little boy. We would sit on the deck of my mom and dads house and watch the kids play in the front yard. My parent’s neighbors Mike and Janet have a Pine tree that is great for climbing. It did not take long for Tyler to always end up in the tree. Then the question would always come from this little voice from inside the tree, “Can I climb higher?” Of course being the dad I would look to see where I could pick out a flash of color or a shoe on a branch then respond, “Go for it!” I would receive looks from my wife that said “are you sure about this?” But eventually Tyler would find the place where he was going to go as far as he felt he could and then he would turn back. Well today is no different the tree has just become something bigger.
The question that I have been walking through lately goes to my Father in heaven. “Can I climb higher?” “Can I take that chance?” “Is this something that you want me to do?” Without a doubt I think that these are the questions that God wants to hear from us because then that means that we are doing something that only He can enable or encourage us to do. Look at Abraham, pick up and go! Noah, build the boat! Nehemiah quite pouring drinks, go build a wall! I really believe that most of us have taken our relationship with God and made it something safe and secure. Something that we can put into five to ten minutes a day or an hour on Sunday. When what God is really looking for is people that are going to climb higher, run farther, and risk more for His glory and fame.
The question that I have for you is when was the last time you asked God, “Can I climb higher?”
By the way Dads let the kid climb, because when you don’t all your doing is teaching thenm to not take a risk. We need more risk takers especially when it comes to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Danielle turns Sixteen
I never thought that I would come to the day where my first child was sixteen years of age. But today I stand the father of a sixteen year old daughter and I have to say that I have loved every minute of it. I am so blessed with the young lady that she has come to be she lead a group of girls at a Middle school camp, she is in leadership at the High school, setter on the JV Volleyball Team, and one of the most beautiful women I know. I just pray that as we walk through life that we always remember that are kids are just loaned to us and they are only with us for a short while and then they are out on their own. My mom and dad would always say “It is a blink and then they are gone.” They were not kidding but what a wonderful blink it has been. So with that I wrote for her a little poem and I wanted to share with you with just the few words that I could what she means to her mother and I.
Sixteen years: “What a start!”
The day you were born
Life changed all around
Your mothers face was so bright
Because of the little girl
That came that night
As I held you in my arms
And looked at your face
There was no way
To imagine who you were to become today
Your smile brightens a room
And melts your daddy’s heart
Your laugh echoes through the house
And gets me to giggle just a little start
The way that you’re quick with your wit
Gets me going crazy just a bit
The intensity at which you live your life
Makes me wonder what will happen
Later just tonight
The leadership you posses
Makes others think
And you bring out their best
The way that you walk like Christ is such a gift
Your mother and I knew that you were on loan
But it is so hard to think that we will have to let go
So today as we celebrate sixteen years all we can say:
“Is what a start!”
With all that you have already said and done
I know that what is to come is going to be
Second to none
So it is as a mom and dad we pray
It is our hope that you will never stray
From the road that the Lord has begun to pave for your life
It is with that we know you will be an incredible:
Student
Athlete
Leader
Daughter
Friend
Bride
Mother and
Wife
But most of all a child of Christ
May we in many more days
Celebrate just as much with a daughter or son of yours
In God we Trust.
Eating Crumbs!
I begin my days with a list of Blogs and pastors that I try to check out for encouragement, inspiration, and creativity. I use them as a way the Lord can show me what He is doing in other areas and that there are other ways that I can teach and lead as a husband, father, and pastor.
So with this last weekend full of our first Homecoming dance with my two oldest I really prayed that we would be able to walk through this and learn some things about being parents. I prayed especially for me as a Dad with daughters. You see I am the oldest of four kids and my sister is the youngest and we are 10 years a part. So I never experienced the dating stuff and the coming of age stuff so this has all been new and challenging for me. I know that I am learning new things everyday and I love it. But there are times that I get frustrated because I love my kids. I don’t want to see them get hurt and I don’t want to see them make mistakes like I did when I was there age. But I also know that I am responsible to do the best job possible, that I am not responsible for them that is God’s job. But sometimes I want to take that job, but I know that would be bad, very bad, very very bad. But this weekend we did learn some things and I did not pray very specific because they were not easy things to learn and they were not fun. Got to be more specific next time when I pray. But I know that through the hard and difficult times that God has a plan and that for us in the end we have grown, we are closer to each other, and the Lord because of our weekend. I love being a Dad and I love being a husband to wife that enables me to become better through these times when I am not sure what to do.
So I want all of you both male and female to think about the relationships that you are involved in. I want you to check out the video link when you click on the word “Beautiful”. It is part of a message series that Perry Noble is doing at NewSpring Church called “Beautiful”. I want you to think about what he shares when it comes to the crumbs.
Where are you at when it comes to sitting at the table of the Lord? Are you eating off the floor or are you experiencing the buffet? What is God teaching you about relationships and how they are based in Christ?
To my kids both in my home and in the church: don’t eat the crumbs! God has so much more for you.
My son’s Birthday
It is a special day Tyler turns fifteen yes that’s right fifteen. Michelle and I now have two kids in our house that are fifteen years of age. I am sure many of you are thinking is that really possible two kids that close in age. Well if you haven’t heard that story then bug me and I might tell you. But today is about Tyler. He is a great young man that is a leader at school, on the football field, and at home. As a parent I have enjoyed every step of the way with all of my kids and Tyler being the only BOY gets a little different attention. We have had late nights playing video games, going hunting together, watching football, and being manly. If I have to explain that statement then you are not manly.
This week one of Tyler’s coaches pulled me aside and shared with me a conversation that happened between him and Tyler. You see Tyler has been elected by the team and coaches as one of the team captains a job that he takes very serious. So serious that after his recent game a loss, Tyler stayed after everyone had gone and cleaned up the locker room. When the coach came in and saw what Tyler was doing he told him that he didn’t need to do that. Tyler said “I am one of the captains this is my job.” The coach asked where the other guys were. Tyler said “I don’t know I am here and it is getting done.” Then this is what the coach shared with me, Tyler went on to say “I have always been taught that to be a leader you first have to serve.” I can not tell a lie, pride was an issue for me at that moment. I am so proud of the children that God has loaned to me. He constantly is teaching me new things about His amazing grace and mercy through these kids.
“Father thank you for allowing me to have a part in the wonderful life that Tyler brings to this earth. May we continue to see him grow in you and in his boldness to serve and share your love with others.”
Check out what he used to look like, if you have any comments for Tyler please leave them here and I will send them to him.
Parenting Teenagers
There are times in life that you just step back and go, man that was awesome. In fact anytime that I do that I just think of “Tommy Boy” when the deer takes apart Richard’s car. Well here is one of those moments for me as a parent. I love going around my house and praying for my wife and kids, in fact before we even moved into the house that we live in now I went and found special verses that I saw in the Bible and I wrote them on each of the doors in the house. I didn’t tell anyone that I had done it and I just wanted to see how God would use the verses in the lives of those that picked the bedrooms. I took this idea from the following verse:
Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 (MSG) ”Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside of your children. Talk about them where ever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. TIe them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.”
So as I went through the house last week I found the statement in the picture written on the message board that my daughter Danielle has over her desk.
If you can’t read the statement it says this; “The difference between you and God is He doesn’t think He’s you.” Not only was this not an awesome moment for me as a parent but a humbling moment as well. This is a high school sophomore that has caught the understanding of how huge, great, amazing, incredible God is and that we can never be Him. That the only way that we can survive this life is to see Him as God. Hopefully you this week are able to see God in this way. By the way, the verse that is over the door of Danielle’s room is a verse from Proverbs about “Wisdom”.
What verses have you written on the doors and hearts of your kids?
Leave a comment and share that with other parents.
