I have three children two daughters and a son. I had the privilege to grow up in a house that had four children three boys and one girl. She was the youngest and I was the oldest of the family we are ten years a part. I never was around for the teenage years of my sister when she was growing up so I never experienced walking through life with a teenage girl. Well now we have two in the house and I am learning everyday from them and theie mother about walking through life with a teenage daughter. While they were growing up I have always read books from men that have had daughters. I have read books about parenting and at times especially parenting daughters. Why? Because I was afraid. I did not want to be a total screw up when it came to being the father my daughters needed. So as a dad of daughters I want to share a couple of things I have learned. I want to start with this scripture so that you know what I am sharing comes from a biblical presence:
Col. 3:21 (NLT) Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.
As I have studied this biblical passage I know that so many times we take it as what we are to do when it comes to disciplining our kids. Or you will even hear some people that say that it means not to tease your kids, I don’t get that one. But as I have walked through the last 16 years with daughters here are some things that I would encourage dad to do when it comes to not “aggravating your children”.
Dads don’t withhold your love and affection to your daughters mother. How can this aggravate your daughter? It is aggravating because she will not know what a healthy relationship will look like. She will then become aggravated by trying to figure out if and when she gets married if she is to be like her parents or like the people in relationships that she sees on t.v.
Dads don’t with hold your love and affection to your daughter. How can this aggravate your daughter? It then makes her want to get that love and affection some where else. I can then pretty much guarantee that is the love and affection you don’t want her to be getting from some hairy legged teenage boy that thinks being a man is what he does between the sheets with a girl. No matter what age your daughter is you need to kiss and hug her. No matter how she has developed she needs to snuggle with her dad on the couch while watching a movie. No matter how much you may get frustrated with her because you just don’t understand how she can change moods like you change channels, give her a hug before she goes to bed.
Dads don’t with hold your words about how beautiful she is. How can this aggravate your daughter? She will then look for her beauty identity from other places. She will compare herself to the magazines, which she will do anyway. She will compare herself to the girls at school who have made a choice to where clothes that have less fabric then a band aid, which she will do anyway. You may right now asking your self well if she is going to do all of this any way then what is the use? The reason you need to do it is because you love your daughter and a daddy speak into this part of his daughters life like no other.
I am sure that if you were to ask most women today they would have never complain that there dad loved their mom to much, that there dad loved them with appropriate God ordained love to much, and that there dad told them they were beautiful to much. I am here to say DADS don’t aggravate your daughters If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.
I have to share with you all what happened to me on Monday when I was in Starbucks journalling and reading. I had got my Venti Vanilla latte and coffee cake then found a table that was empty near the front of the building. It was a table that had the whole wall as the window. While I was sitting there enjoying my Christian Crack and cake I watched a little girl, her puppy, and mom walk up to the building. They had tied the puppy up to the leg of a chair so that they could come in and get their drinks. But as soon as they had closed the door behind them the puppy went nuts and started barking then almost choking itself to get to the door. So the Mom told the little girl to stay there until the Mom came back with the drinks, she did just that and I have to admit I enjoyed watching her love on her puppy.
So I decided I better get to reading and writing because that was the reason I was there. So I dove into my journal, I began writing out my prayers, I was very focused. After that I grabbed my ductape bible and started eating the verses up as I was eating up the coffee cake. I was really saturated with the moment. Until! Thats right until! Until the little girl almost had her face pressed to the glass next to me. It caught me off guard so I literally jumped away from the window. Which in turn made the little girl jump back and made her mom begin to laugh out loud it was awesome! I began to laugh to myself. But soon returned to my cake and my bible. With the occasional funny face to the little girl who was very embarrassed but what had happened.
As they were getting ready to leave the mom came in to throw away there cups and to apologize to me. This is what she said that really caught my attention, “Sorry about that she was so worried about what was on her face that she forgot that she was looking at a window and not a mirror. She forgot that there were people on the other side that could see her.” I said no problem but what she said really caused me to think. I love it when these things happen.
The little girl is a lot like me. There are those days, those moments, those seconds that I am so focused on me that I forget about the others around me. That as a husband that I forget that m wife is watching, That as a dad that I forget that on the other side of the glass are my kids watching. That as a follower of Jesus Christ I forget that people are watching. What would happen if we spent less time looking at ourselves in the glass and looked beyond it to the people that are watching and waiting? How would that change our perspective? How would that change not just us but the people around us? Who knows they actually might see who we really are and now who we think we are as we look into the glass.
Titus 2: 7 (NLT)”And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good deeds of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.
What type of reflection are you giving to those that are watching you in your life?
We are a family that because I work at a church always enjoys spending the day at the church for Easter. My kids have shared that some of their best memories are when we are all working together during these services. Because we are at the church from early until late then Michelle has always left the church early to go and hide Easter eggs so that they kids were surprised when they got home from being at church. With them all being older and not wanting to hide all the Easter Eggs and they also made the comment that they were to easy to find this year Michelle decided to hide just nine eggs and she hid them hard. She hid them so hard that she was worried that she would forget where she put them so she made a note for where all the eggs were placed. This is the note that she made:
That is how awesome my wife is, never want to have a hidden egg go bad on you. We even needed to use the notes because the kids couldn’t find them all. Don’t tell mom that it was to easy or she will bring it. Had a great Easter, will be posting more pictures and even a video.
What Easter stories do you have to tell?
With all that is going on in the world I found a video that I thought was very appropriate with the decisions that are current President is making when it comes abortion. We can point fingers, scream, and yell. But I thought that Nick Cannon does a great job creating a point of view that not many of us can take. This is from the point of the child that is be aborted. That is what Nick Cannons mom almost did with him. Watch the video and listen to the words that he shares.
My more and more people take a look at the bold and brave mothers that take the stance to let their children live. There are several women that I have know that have chosen to keep their children and still survived life. Seek the Lord and lean not on your understanding.