Occupy – The Home
I have been watching and have been curious about the OCCUPY movement and all that they are doing. I think that no matter what your political persuasion is that their intent is good when it comes to those that are losing homes during this season of life. So I am thinking about starting my own OCCUPY movement. It is the OCCUPY your home movement and it is for fathers.
Facts compiled by the Department of Justice
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
90% of all homeless and runaway youths are from fatherless homes.
85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders are from fatherless homes.
71% of high school dropouts are from fatherless homes.
70% of youths in State institutions are from fatherless homes.
75% of adolescent patients in substance abuse centers are from fatherless homes.
85% of rapists motivated by displaced anger are from fatherless homes
I am encouraging and praying that we can rally fathers to OCCUPY their homes. To see that the need to be at work or even at play all the time is damaging our country more then the housing crisis. I believe many men have not had the benefit of a father themselves so they are just continuing to follow in their own fathers foot steps and some where along the line things need to change. We need a group of men that are discontent with the way that things are going with families today and they need to lead by OCCUPYING their homes. By lovingly leading their wives and children, by spiritually setting the bar for their families, and by showing their community what a difference a father can make when he OCCUPIES his home.
1 Samuel 22:2, 2 Then others began coming—men who were in trouble or in debt or who were just discontented—until David was the captain of about 400 men.
These are the same men that would be later referred to as David’s mighty men. I pray today that we will have fathers that are just discontent with the way things are going and that they choose to OCCUPY their homes.
Spouse of a PORN Addict
At the beginning of the month on Superbowl Sunday we as a church chose to also be a part of what is called “Porn Sunday”. Crag Gross and the people at XXXChurch did an awesome job of providing information as well as support to the churches that were a part of “Porn Sunday”. It was a very powerful and amazing day where we saw both men and women start to deal with their addiction to porn. But I want to share with you just a small section of a letter that was sent to me by a very brave and awesome lady that has gone through a destructive relationship that was destroyed by a porn addiction. What she shared was some things for spouses of porn addicts to work through. I felt that they were awesome to let people read because this is from someone that has gone through the fire and is on the other side with a perspective that will enable us to care for and reach not just the porn addict but their family as well. Here is what she shared:
1. I didn’t show honor – At the time, in my mind it was ALL his fault – our divorce. I had done nothing wrong. I now know differently. While I can’t change anyone, I am fully responsible for me. I reacted with rage, anger, bitterness, un-forgiveness, hatred, verbal abuse, and emotional withdrawal. Someone had quoted a verse to me earlier and was right to quote it to me, though it was used out of context: “Love covers a multitude of sins.” I now understand what that means – I had told everyone I knew of all of my husband’s faults and about his addiction for TWO reasons: 1) I really did want help and 2) Honestly, to try to make me look good and him bad. I did not honor him. While what he had done was wrong, what I had done in spreading the gossip about his addiction was just as wrong. It was not honoring, respectful, or loving. I see now it did not provide an environment where he could feel safe to be vulnerable and receive the help & healing he needed. That’s not to say he would have chosen to do that if I had reacted differently. Maybe he would have accepted help, maybe not.
2. It is ok to be angry!! It’s not ok for that to grow to bitterness. Several years later I finally did receive the help that I needed. I was able to express my anger and intense pain to people who listened and didn’t blame. But at the same time they held me accountable for HOW I expressed that anger and wouldn’t let me stay there. There is help out there and for those who have a spouse involved in pornography – THEY HAVE TO GET HELP FOR THEMSELVES. I realized I was trying to change my husband. To make him stop so I wouldn’t hurt any more. I couldn’t change him. I can only change myself. I learned to press deeply into God’s Word and let him change ME. To see my ex-husband through God’s eyes. I was able to release him and forgive him. The pain is still there, but it doesn’t control me. I was able to write my ex-husband a letter asking forgiveness for what I had done in verbally lashing out at him and the other hateful things I had done.
3. Boundaries are necessary. Pornography is progressive. It is a sex-addiction. It is wrong. It destroys families. It may not always be necessary to divorce but sometimes it is necessary to separate. Make boundaries clear beforehand and with a plan as to what will happen during the time of separation.
If are you someone that is in a relationship with someone that is a Porn Addict then I encourage you to go to XXXChurch.com and see what they can do to help you. If you are a person maybe a husband or dad that is dealing with this then I ask you to go to someone and get help right away. This is not just something that affects you it affects your whole family. If you are a lady and would like to email the woman that shared what she dealt with then please message me and I will make sure you can get connected with her. I also want to remind each and every person that reads through this that Jesus loves you not matter what you have done or where you have been and He is waiting for you.
Fathering a Teenage Daughter
I have three children two daughters and a son. I had the privilege to grow up in a house that had four children three boys and one girl. She was the youngest and I was the oldest of the family we are ten years a part. I never was around for the teenage years of my sister when she was growing up so I never experienced walking through life with a teenage girl. Well now we have two in the house and I am learning everyday from them and theie mother about walking through life with a teenage daughter. While they were growing up I have always read books from men that have had daughters. I have read books about parenting and at times especially parenting daughters. Why? Because I was afraid. I did not want to be a total screw up when it came to being the father my daughters needed. So as a dad of daughters I want to share a couple of things I have learned. I want to start with this scripture so that you know what I am sharing comes from a biblical presence:
Col. 3:21 (NLT) Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.
As I have studied this biblical passage I know that so many times we take it as what we are to do when it comes to disciplining our kids. Or you will even hear some people that say that it means not to tease your kids, I don’t get that one. But as I have walked through the last 16 years with daughters here are some things that I would encourage dad to do when it comes to not “aggravating your children”.
Dads don’t withhold your love and affection to your daughters mother. How can this aggravate your daughter? It is aggravating because she will not know what a healthy relationship will look like. She will then become aggravated by trying to figure out if and when she gets married if she is to be like her parents or like the people in relationships that she sees on t.v.
Dads don’t with hold your love and affection to your daughter. How can this aggravate your daughter? It then makes her want to get that love and affection some where else. I can then pretty much guarantee that is the love and affection you don’t want her to be getting from some hairy legged teenage boy that thinks being a man is what he does between the sheets with a girl. No matter what age your daughter is you need to kiss and hug her. No matter how she has developed she needs to snuggle with her dad on the couch while watching a movie. No matter how much you may get frustrated with her because you just don’t understand how she can change moods like you change channels, give her a hug before she goes to bed.
Dads don’t with hold your words about how beautiful she is. How can this aggravate your daughter? She will then look for her beauty identity from other places. She will compare herself to the magazines, which she will do anyway. She will compare herself to the girls at school who have made a choice to where clothes that have less fabric then a band aid, which she will do anyway. You may right now asking your self well if she is going to do all of this any way then what is the use? The reason you need to do it is because you love your daughter and a daddy speak into this part of his daughters life like no other.
I am sure that if you were to ask most women today they would have never complain that there dad loved their mom to much, that there dad loved them with appropriate God ordained love to much, and that there dad told them they were beautiful to much. I am here to say DADS don’t aggravate your daughters If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.
Family Game Day
We try to make sure that at least one day out of the week we do something as a family. So one day Danielle decided that she was going to put together the Bloyer Game Day. So what we ended up doing was spent the whole morning without Tv, ipods, cell phones, and computers. It was a great way to enjoy our time together and it was all put together by my 16 year old daughter. What are you doing to take time to be with your family? What are you doing to allow your children to take some moments to lead you? Are you treating your children as the gift that they truly are in your life?
Car Conversations
So this last week I have had awesome opportunities to have conversations with my kids about life, faith, dating, sex, and funny thoughts. I think that so many times that we jump in the car turn on the radio, maybe plug in the IPOD, or even pop in a DVD for those with the kick-in systems. Then we forget that we have time with our spouse, time with our kids, heck time with God where either we or they are captive. So I know that I am in a state where you have to have hands free phone. I have not heard of a hands off life law when it comes to our families. Take some time this week to turn off the radio, shut off the T.V., and stop some of the noise of life so that you can hear from your family and from God. It is time for the men that call themselves followers of Christ to take the lead and take their place in being the men of God. Have BIBLE will drive.
You may not use your phone, but I read. Just kidding, but you can talk
What are the topics of your latest car conversations? What have you learned to do to talk with others in your life?
